Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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