I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dick very happy bro
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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