I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
50% drunk capacity currently
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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