I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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