how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Mom said you looked used
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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