I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
