I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
