I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
