Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
