Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
