I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
