Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
