Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
