Redeem this text for a blowjob
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
