Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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