I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Still dying that you shit outside
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
