Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
