It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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