My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
