I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
this will be a night to untag.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
