You don't have asthma, your pregnant
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
