Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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