I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
