Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
