i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
