i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
