Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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