I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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