Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
