He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
