So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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