I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
