I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
