Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
