I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Randomize
