well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
