Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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