I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
