Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
