dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
