I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
