Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Holy shit dude........stairs
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
