just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I can't turn off my feet"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
