Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
