The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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