It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
