I wish my penis had an off switch
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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