I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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