so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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