so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
