I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
