She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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